| the end. |
[09 Aug 2006|08:37am] |
the time has come. i'm deleting andthensome just because it's from 8th grade. and i hate what i use it for. i'll probably end up using my new one for the same thing, i'll just feel healthier if its the same. comment if you want to be added as a friend on the new guy.
tata all.
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[08 Aug 2006|04:04pm] |
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this is the worst feeling ever. i have knots in my stomach. i feel sick to my stomach. why did i trust this. i'm done.
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| black berry! |
[06 Aug 2006|10:19pm] |
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mood |
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 impressed |
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music |
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red hot chilli peppers |
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So rite now were on our way to san diego iun the car. I'm on my dads blackberry. I'm in love. California is beautiful. Playing out here in college would be a dream. I doint remember it being like this when I was younger. Were passing thru lbi rite now and I feel like snoop! So I don't know how to shift so you'll live. So jeff is the only one that reads this so hello to you hope grounding is done soonn! I think that's all for now ill get on the laptop later I'm sure. Enjoy twp cause LA kicks it in the cooter and I am the deF of twp pride! That is all. Tata
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[05 Aug 2006|11:01am] |
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music |
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the fray-fall away |
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i think i'm scared to get close, because i feel like with him, everytime i have it hasn't worked out in my favor. he's adorable, and perfect, but so complex. i don't know if i can deal with that again. I hate that it's these two now. I hate that i still managed to hurt about 3 others in this whole process, I hate that i have to fucking chose. I love that i'm going away tomorrow.
It's not fair for me to ask for something from either of them right now, because i don't know what i want. I know i don't still love doug, but i also don't know if i could put myself in anyting close to that right now. After we broke up, i told myself i wanted to enjoy my jr and sr year as much as possible, without stress, espically without boy stress. If anything happens, i want a relaxed "getting with eachother" atmosphere. It's something that you can't force, and i'm so good at that game now.
I think this summer I learned that honesty really helps every situation. So I will say this, i'm interested. I'll also say this, he's in a close second.
annoying turned to smooth very soon.
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| you've got a fine laugh. |
[03 Aug 2006|11:44pm] |
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music |
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hey girl. every kind. |
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sometimes i think about how good looking i am and aids..then i just laugh hysterically.
i also think about how my ankle was supposed to make me calm down. when in reality i'm super stressed. i was told yesterday that when i getmy cast off i will feel dizzy and want to pass out. can't wait.
i bought clothes. it's therapy. and i look good in all of them. there i go again. hahahahahahahaha
i'm flattered, i think more than i have been in my whole life. it's awesome but sucks at the same time. i leave for california sunday i think that will help a lot. people will get over me after a week. i hope not some. or one. i get a redeye the 14th home. get in at 3 then go to wildwood when i feel a little bet less jet-laggy. i love my chicks.
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[03 Aug 2006|11:51am] |
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in no specific order.
#1. we hooked up in feburary, still good friends. allie says "he wants encore, he wants you." eh. leaves for school very soon. eek.
#2. back in the day. adorable. perfect. not sure on what he wants.
#3. gorgeous. played with my head. wants random hook ups.
#4. good looking, pushy, steping on a friends feet. kind of. not at all. good excuse.
#5. amaaaaaaaaaazing body. i want it. but wont' just do it that easily. ahhhhh
on the other hand, the hills turned into the worst shows ever and i hate girls. i love my girlfriends. the end. and boys confuse the FUCK out of me.
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| anger. |
[03 Aug 2006|11:43am] |
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back in the picture? negative. poop. please step up your game asap. make the choice easy please.
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[02 Aug 2006|06:19pm] |
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i hate boys. and john mayer&incubus are my therapy.
maybe there's one boy.
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| 1036..pick up stix. |
[30 Jul 2006|10:36pm] |
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my summer went from me crying to jenn and my mom saying it was terrible and i hate having a fucking cast and i hate my fucking friends and i hate fucking boys. to being amazing the next night with i stil hate having a fucking cast and i love my fucking friends and i LVOE fucking boys. i also love my glasses bc i look ravishing. i will never use good looking again. basically what i stopped dooing in the beginning of the summer bc i was out of control, is what occured last nite. but it's so much different when it's supposed to be happening. when you're not at a party with 21 year olds and an engaged guy breathing down your neck. i really think that drew the line for me. Everyone basically pulled thru in the clutch last nite. even people that i had my doubts on i was like yep. your the shit now. i had an amazing pong partner. we've been going out since freshman year. we're awesome. 0-1. basically. so i ran with a cast last nite. "piss on my lawn again and i'll chop your fucking dick off" a favorite of mine. also a favorite: matt's bed. matt and jeffs balls and picking up for everyone and bringing 08 together. and being the shit about the whole night.
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| very. |
[09 Jul 2006|11:03pm] |
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i'm proud of myself. pray for me. for too many reasons, oh my how i have screwed up in the past. i promise things will change. just let this work out okay. i know it will, the nerves cannot be controlled.
i'm proud of myself.
self-discipline is what mama is trying to teach, and i'm starting to conquer.
along with realizing you can't change people, so just deal. that's something i tried teaching myself.
pat on the back for gina.
the one person you never would have expected it from, all of yuo that know me would be shocked. and personally i'm not. and that's the even sadder thing. the one thing that brought us together as best friends, tore us apart. we both want different things. fate is fate.
airports see it all the time
when someone's last goodbye
blends in with someones cry
cause someones coming home,
in hand a single rose
and that's the way this wheel keeps working out.
and if you never stop when you wave goodbye
you just might see if you give it time
you will wave hello again
you jsut might wave hello again.
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[06 Jul 2006|10:47am] |
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so this is what it's like when i have no one to fall back on.
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| subjectless. |
[03 Jul 2006|12:30am] |
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mood |
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 horny |
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music |
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everclear |
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i hate when i really feel like i have something valuble to write about, and i get here and go blank. i miss when i used to think for myself. but i'm glad it's pretty much back. i've gotten over the fact that theres things out of my control that i just will never change. i still hate myself for lots of things. espically things i have control over, and make bad decisions. fuck you gina.
at the end of the day, i'm still really good looking and really good at basketball. that's a joke. not really. but it is. and i honestly don't know why i'm good at basketball bc i only try during a game. but i'm pretty much a stud.
goodnight.
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| one huge step. |
[30 Jun 2006|12:04am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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OAR |
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I remember what its like to love basketball again. I hate the philadelphia belles and love my minutemaids, and couldn't have missed all the girls more. I'm kicking ass but have a tournament in hershey this weekend for the belles. whatever. i'm over it, i'm going. theres a million places i wish i could be and a million things i wish i was doing. balls to the wall. 3 games. and some rides. why not play? no one plays as a team, so might as well just better myself. and the whole weekend is about college exposure. one more showcase tournament for some coaches to see me and i'm done. with the philadelphia bitches. forever.
BY THE WAY. dave matthews was the most amazing night of my life. i'm going to see OAR in august. i'm a bongin champ. the end.
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[07 Jun 2006|03:28pm] |
i have come to the simple conclusion
that basketball is what is making me nuts.
i'm dreading practice tonight more than my death.
i hate those 2 hours more than anything else.
have a nice night.
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| russians and ohio. |
[28 May 2006|01:14am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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nothinggg. |
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so i swore i would do this again. and i'm going to. basically bc i need it for myself. i think more than i ever have, and i feel like i'm right back where i was a year and a half ago. except with different things to think about. right now i'm in ohio for a basketball tournament. It's sad that me being as miserable as i am this AAU season, and basketball is still the only thing that keeps me sane. no matter how much we loose by, my thoughts don't drift when i'm on the court. sounds corny but it's completely true. and basketball is the only thing that completly makes me stop thinking. This school year has been hell for me. Being in love for the first time, loosing and gaining all my friends, basketball with donna costa(enough said) and falling out of love for the first time. I still love Doug. I need to make myself happy. and it can't be him. I need to do something for myself. and as many times as i think that i want to be back with him i don't. it wsa the most unhealthy relationship ever heard to man. and i'm shunnneedd from relationships for the rest of my life. 9 months was long enough. i'll wait till i'm 32 for my next one. a little drastic but whatever. what i'm doing is right. and god knows i need it. sorry for venting and such terrible terrible grammar mistakes. i'm a horrible perosn i know.
This tournament is completely frusturating. (i'm working on better mechanics this para i swear.) We played three games today, 12:45, 5:45, and 9:30. The second game we were ahead and then girls that don't know what a ball is like to go in and then we just ended up losing. That was fun. The second game we played the Dayton Hoopstars. yes the ones that were on the Disney Channel. Not that exact team but the same club, and absoloutly amazing. their point gaurd wsa 6'6. Enjoyable. The last game we played some team form tennessee. they were pretty damn good. but i played like a stud so throw em up. Then we came back here around 11 and all showered and dance partied. theres a 6'4 lesbian that is on one of the older teams and she's russian. and she fell in love with an egytpain tonite (me) we had a lot of fun dancing and i have HILARIOUS pics. i miss LJ maybe i'll load pics from tonite when i get home. aw touching.
That is all for now. I actually might post later tonight if i'm still this freakin bored at 1:30. Games tomorrow are at 2:15 and 8:30. then we sleep here again and get on a flight at like 4. be home by sunday at 6. kinda sweet. THEN SCHOOL! such an eventful MDW. i'd rather be drunk.
tata.
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[30 Apr 2006|02:20pm] |
i couldn't be more frusturated right now.
but i'm back. after about a year?
i should probablly make some friends.
if you're still my friend. please comment. :)
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[09 Jul 2005|12:25am] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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aslyn-golden |
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and i never loved so hard
never hurt so bad.
never been such a fool for love.
and i never want so bad just to do it all again
find one who's golden
never let go when it's love
or you'll find yourself waiting alone.
and you'll dream back the way that it was
and wonder which one was love
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| yay. |
[06 Jul 2005|07:14pm] |
me mooch allie and jess go to wildwood tomorrow to stay at caits
i cannot wait..major pics ♥
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| i must be getting my period.. |
[04 Jul 2005|03:02pm] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
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music |
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frank sinatra-summer wind. |
] |
i would die without the people in my life. i couldn't be more thankful.
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| hmm. |
[02 Jul 2005|10:41pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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music |
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O.A.R.-naked |
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maybe i'll use this more again because it's pretty..hmm we'll have to see.
Tomorrow is nick's graduation party..i've been running around like crazy for my mom. today me and nick spent the whole day out trying to get one picture of him walking back to his seat at graduation..and it came out like shit. it was fun though and i'm really gonna miss him. i say that a lot..but i really don't know what i would do if we weren't as close as we are. it's so good to be close with your siblings, i see how it helped my mom and her 4 when my grandmom died, you really have someone to lean on. It just scares me that theres only 2 of us.
My mom of course is going nuts cleaning and everything so i got done everything and was online (of course) and she asked me to water the flowers, not looking for a fight i did it without argue. Apparently i didn't water them long enough for her liking? So i got flipped out on and the computer shut off and the usual "I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONA PUT MY FOOT THROUGH THAT SON OF A BITCH." ahh you gotta love lise. so i went out and finished the flowers. AND mulched around the mailbox like nick was supposed to AANNNDDDD did the garden like nick was supposed to. damn i'm good. made him look bad..holla. lise is my girl she's so loud..and so funny when she's mad.
Tonight i went to go see Sisterhood of the Traviling pants with mooch allie & sam, yeah i know corny. we were supposed to go play whirly ball (cause that's less corny right?) but it was closed bc of the weekend? okaaaaay. it was good..real sad me and mooch were a mess of course. werd.
i'm really excited for the 4th..should be a good time had by all. hopefully gettin crunk in the club..holla at me.
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andthensome12's journal